the politically incorrect alphabet

Blank card


Beaver, Beer, Blackboard, Bomb, Bouncer, Boxer, Boy, Bride, Burger, Butcher

illustrated threads linked above, unillustrated suggestions listed below…


Posted on: 3 November 2005, 9:48pm

Don't suppose these would be considered politically incorrect...just annoying.


The Lawyer
Posted on: 2 November 2005, 12:33pm

Another that could be illustrated with the cutthroat razor. However my demon barber figure is the sadist I was taken to as a boy, who tried to pull your head off, and would have applied a cutthroat razor to our necks if he had had a chance.

The Headmaster
Posted on: 3 November 2005, 12:34am

I remember him well. It was many years before I realised that a trip to the barbers could actually be pleasurable. A shave with a straight razor, hot towels, a dominant Polish woman pressing your head against her chest...

Barmaid / Barman

The School Bully

Are these kinds of terms no longer PC? They are highly gender-specific, but are probably in common use (like 'Binman') in the UK. Still, they might make a good subject for a alphabet card. Not sure they would have appeared in the 50s either.

The Headmaster

You're so right, they're still in common use (in the UK at least). Even in my local where the barmaids would gut you on a whim, they're still called barmaids, but from a PC perspective that should be completely out of the window. And what's the alternative? The archaic 'Barkeep' perhaps? I dunno. Similarly 'Landlord' and 'Landlady' (whether the boss of the pub or the person to whom you pay your rent). 'Barperson', 'Landperson' - neither exists. Does the PC influence not extend into the holy shrine of malt and hops? Discuss!


The Headmaster
Posted on: 14 November 2005, 5:59pm

(Prompted by The Fairy Princess).

Could be skinned or stuffed, but I'd prefer the Simon Smith variety, dancing in harness, possibly wearing a tutu and with a ring through its nose.

There was a news story in the 80's that police had found (as I remember it) the skinned corpse of a 'giant' on the Hackney Marshes in East London, minus its head, hands and feet. At autopsy it was discovered to be in fact the body of a bear. What was never discovered was where in Hackney or the surrounding area the bear had been living, nor who now had the rug.


Posted on: 5 May 2006, 4:49pm....surely room for a beggar? Mangy cur on rope optional

....surely room for a beggar? Mangy cur on rope optional


The Headmaster
Added on: 5 April 2007

B is for Bible;
a book God did give,
To tell where we came from
and how we should live.
We did not evolve,
God made it so plain,
People are people,
we stay just the same.

Thanks to www.christiananswers.net for the above educational resource. They've also a whole lot more useful information, some of which might come as a surprise to doubting Thomases among you. Jesus rides by on a dinosaur. However, in these PC days the separation of church and state leads us to remove works of religious doctrine from the curriculum in state-funded schools.

There is the practical matter of how to distinguish this illustration from 'B is for Book'. perhaps a cross on the cover, or a crucifix bookmark, or open on a lectern? Or perhaps enhaloed with a divine radiance?


The School Bully

See 'dustman'.



My 8 yr old daughter wonders, 'why no B for bitch' ?


Yes, there could be an illustration of a small dog with a bow on its head!

The Headmaster

Thanks, I was wondering how to distinguish from a male dog without concentrating on the rear end.

Black Sheep

PC Thug

The worst kind of sheep, obviously. Black is a naughty colour.


The Headmaster
Posted on: 21 June 2006, 5:45pm

I'd imagined 'Blind' was listed already, but no.

'Blind' is a word that in typical PC-gone-mad fashion is happily used by the blind themselves but substituted with some wishy washy expression like 'visually impaired' by people who think 'blind' might be offensive. Though 'visually impaired' does include people with partial blindness who might otherwise feel excluded.

Anyway: black glasses, a guide dog and a white stick?

See also 'Cripple' (completed) and 'Dumb' (beyond my powers).


Blink Too Fast
Posted on: 22 July 2006, 10:56am

A nice spherical pair of boobs

The Headmaster
Posted on: 24 July 2006, 10:24am

Mmm yes, boobies, such a simple source of pleasure yet so satisfying.

I particularly like the confectionery 'fried eggs' that you get in pick-and-mix: I'm sure they are created solely to reproduce the sensation of suckling.

See also nipple.

Unfortunately, to get included in this alphabet you'd need a suggestion like 'tit', to be depicted as a small bird. Or that seabird known as a 'booby', though most people (myself included) couldn't distinguish it from a gannet. Best I think to stick to the instantly recognisable - like 'beaver', 'cock' and similar cards already illustrated.


The School Bully

Undepictable but made me smile...

From Wikipedia, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brainstorming

The story that an organization has banned the word 'brainstorm', in favor of 'thought shower', due to its connection with epilepsy, appears regularly in British newspapers. Invariably, it is given as an example of 'political correctness gone mad'. One example can be found in the Observer, 26 June 2005 regarding the Department of Enterprise, Trade and Investment in Belfast. Another example is the Telegraph, 26 April 2003 regarding trainee teachers. A survey in 2005 by the UK charity National Society for Epilepsy found that 93 per cent of people with the condition do not find the word brainstorm offensive.

Links to the newspaper articles appear in the Wikipedia article.

The Headmaster

One of the pharmaceutical companies I do work for has a drug used in the treatment of epilepsy. One of their educational programmes, developed in association with the International Bureau for Epilepsy, involves showing a play about epilepsy followed by speakers and discussion. The programme and the play by Polly Toynbee are called 'Brain Storm'.


Posted on: 31 October 2005, 4:24pm

Perfectly acceptable description of a deer of the male persuasion, but definately incorrect if used to describe a Black male, especially a young black male. Not complimentary.

The Headmaster
Posted on: 31 October 2005, 5:42pm

If the illustration was a young male deer then there would be no complaint with the PC crowd, so there would be no point. I wouldn't consider doing a card for 'B' showing a black man and implying 'Buck' (similarly 'N'), though in any case most people would suppose that the subject was 'Black man'.

It's an area to tread carefully. 'P' for 'Pickney' is the common word for child in much of the Caribbean - my wife's family are Bajan and use it affectionately - though its equivalent 'Piccaninny' is deemed offensive in the US.

I'll stick to offending (American) 'Indians' and 'Eskimos' (oh, and a few other religious and racial groups in passing). They are words which would commonly occur on earlier alphabet charts.




The Headmaster

I was thinking there's little justification to include Buddha, but then we have Jesus on our books simply because of his religiosity (not that Buddhism is strictly speaking a religion, but let's not confuse ourselves). We could add a laughing Buddha I suppose (hand carved by dusky children from tropical hardwood, with delicately worked ivory for the teeth) but isn't he, well, just too nice?

All together now: Ommmmmmmm...


Posted on: 3 November 2005, 10:12pm

Black trousers, horizontally striped shirt, a mask and one of those flat little hats...don't recall their name. Carrying his bag of swag.

The Headmaster
Posted on: 4 November 2005, 9:02am

That would be a 'flat cap' you're thinking of. Traditional North of England working class headgear, also worn by Madonna, and people entering your house by the window.

I had considered Burglar, such a classic image, but there's a popular children's book by Janet and Allan Ahlberg called 'Burglar Bill'. It was first published nearly 30 years ago but remains in print and is still found in school libraries. Therefore 'Burglar' possibly fails the selection criteria - it's not something we wouldn't put before children, so it could quite feasibly appear in a modern day alphabet chart.

Still, it makes a nice picture so maybe I'll do it anyway.

The text on this page is archived from The Politically Incorrect Alphabet Forum - which unfortunately broke on August 2nd 2006 through overuse. A list of completed un-PC illustrations and their archived threads can be found here.

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