the politically incorrect alphabet

Blank card


Camp, Candy, Cane, Cannibal, Casino, Catapult, Cherry, Cigar, Cigarettes, Clown, Cock, Coffin, Convict, Cripple, Crumpet, C***, Cyberman

illustrated threads linked above, unillustrated suggestions listed below…

Carrot top

The Lawyer
Posted on: 21 October 2005, 4:16pm

As in redhead


Posted on: 27 April 2006, 11:16am

Cats are nice

Posted on: 27 April 2006, 11:49am

they always seem a bit smug to me

The Headmaster
Posted on: 28 April 2006, 12:59pm

Smug, or aloof, or just asleep, a Cat would, for the purposes of this alphabet, naturally be described as a Pussy - look under 'P'.

I have two, lovely creatures, they help me work by sitting on my monitor, strolling across the keyboard and trying to catch the wee timorous beastie that they are convinced lives in the printer. Here's a photo of the ever helpful Freddie: photos/cat+mouse.jpg


The Headmaster
Posted on: 11 July 2006, 12:56am

A hirsute chap casually dressed in animal skins, in one hand he holds his trusty club, in the other the hair of his beloved. A staple character in seldom funny cartoons.

'Caveman' is sometimes used as a term of abuse for men unsympathetic to the requirements of women. not the best choice perhaps: A) who's to say that our stone aged ancestors were such brutes in their relationships? and B) if they were then that's the natural order of things, and to hanker after a contrary way of structuring social intercourse will only end in tears.

I sense hackles rising...



C for chav?!


Why no response to my brilliant idea?

The Headmaster

'Chav' is a word of recent coinage, and doesn't fall within the guidelines governing topics to be illustrated - see the school rules: "I'm looking for subjects for a politically incorrect alphabet that are outside current acceptable usage but 'only just'. They should be subjects that might have appeared on alphabet charts back in the 50's say."

Also I've been busy with other things. And the chav bashing media storm is looking a bit tired now.

That said, it might be fun.

Or we could have 'Chav-not': a member of the English middle classes who obsessively remarks on the dress, tastes and behaviour of members of a perceived young white underclass, in order to assert their own supposed superiority.


Jonathan Katz
Emailed on 10 June 2007

Jeremy Clarkson deserves his own card. He's fairly un-PC.


Posted on: 24 October 2005, 3:15pm

The Headmaster
Posted on: 30 October 2005, 5:12pm

See my comment below Indian.

'Chief' is a word indicating respect, and not therefore un PC in my opinion.

Fairy Princess
Posted on: 30 November 2005, 3:41pm

In the book White Teeth, Chief also meant something along the lines of dickhead. But maybe that only applies in the book.


The Headmaster
Posted on: 1 March 2006, 10:20pm

Not the poncey 'Cirque Du Soleil' type of circus (I've never seen it but somehow I know I'd hate it, like Starlight Express or Disney World or any film with Jennifer Lopez) but the old cruelty to animals and paedophile clowns type of circus, short changed by the kiosk and salmonella in the hotdogs, simmering hostilities barely concealed in the flying trapeze act, the smell of wee and popcorn mixed with wafts of dung from the caged big cats.

Tricky to get all that on a little alphabet card though.


The Headmaster
Posted on: 29 November 2005, 3:16pm

Campaigners for historical accuracy shot themselves in the foot here. It's safe enough changing Boadicea back to Boudicca, but when you rename Canute as Cnut then anyone can see you're in trouble in the classroom. King Cnut is of course the English, Danish and Norwegian king famous for (supposedly) demonstrating that he couldn't be expected to do every-bloody-thing by sitting by the seaside and getting his feet wet.

Is this politically incorrect though? No, probably not.



The Headmaster

You can't tell me 'Cocaine' used to feature on C20th alphabet charts? In lunch boxes maybe... it was once a trace ingredient of a popular American drink ( www.snopes.com/cokelore/cocaine.asp ). Now their kids get Ritalin instead.

My elder brother mentioned at the weekend that cocaine was something that had passed him by completely. "Just as well," I said "it would make you even more of an arsehole". I was out of reach at the time.

See also images/cocaine-170.gif from the front page.


Posted on: 8 March 2006, 6:20pm

Can't believe it's not there!!!!

Or U for used condom....

The Headmaster
Posted on: 14 March 2006, 3:54pm

'Condom' is one of those rare words which wouldn't have been at all acceptable in an old style children's alphabet but for the ultra-politically correct might be acceptable today - or even obligatory!

As such it, unfortunately, doesn't fit the 'rules' for these alphabet card subjects (i.e. "was acceptable then, isn't now"). Oddly enough I've already done the illustration for a client: www.enile.co.uk/portfolio/illustration-01.html


The Headmaster
Posted on: 3 May 2006, 11:08am

A two-legged Asian beast of burden. The coolies who carried the loads in North America would have mainly been Chinese, but the word is derived from the Hindi 'kuli' so I imagine it was spread from India by agents of the British Empire.

See also 'Navvy'.



Hurrah for corpses.

Oh, you could do "corps" too.





The Eager Young Lad
Posted on: 19 October 2005, 9:47pm

At least three apiece of knife, fork and spoon in their proper size and position centred around a plate.

The Headmaster
Posted on: 19 October 2005, 11:38pm

I'm curious - well you knew that - I mean I'm curious how this might be politically incorrect?

The Eager Young Lad
Posted on: 20 October 2005, 12:00am

Well, my own introduction to snob culture came from the illustrations of cutlery always featuring far more items than I could feasibly see a use for in one setting. Too inoffensive or subtle, perhaps.

The text on this page is archived from The Politically Incorrect Alphabet Forum - which unfortunately broke on August 2nd 2006 through overuse. A list of completed un-PC illustrations and their archived threads can be found here.

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