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Casino

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Casino

The Headmaster
Added on: 17 July 2007

In the news is that the incoming PM Gordon Brown has scotched Tony's plans to introduce Vegas to the north of England, a good thing as there's nothing so depressing as the already miserable tipping their wages into the coffers of shady businesses.

At least though at a casino you have better than even odds of getting your money back on each turn of the cards or spin of the wheel. A UK roulette wheel will take about 3% of the cash in play and gives up the remaining 97%, a one-armed bandit ('slots' in the US) typically pays out 70% or more (though there's no legal obligation for it to pay out anything - the 70% minimum is a Gaming Board 'guideline' for fruit machines and probably is anyway the minimum amount to keep the punters returning and so provide returns for the owner). Card games you'll lose unless you're very clever, in which case you'll be banned and/or have your fingers broken.

The UK National Lottery generously keeps half of the suckers' cash, scratch cards take a similar amount. Scratch cards also have a neat scam going: many of the prizes for a £1 card will themselves be £1, so the happy punter promptly hands back their winning card to the retailer and with their prize money buys another promise at the same poor odds.

Worst of all is probably the bookies. I once did work for a company that broadcasts horse racing and so read the trade press. If you study the maths based on the odds at any moment you might imagine that a bookmaker's take would be only ten or twenty percent. However, by applying ruses such as paying on starting prices and offering fancy bets, and by benefitting from their clients' idiocy, a bookmaker might expect to pay back only a third of the money they take over the counter.

So, Casino, most definitely unPC, along with Roulette and other gambling related terms.

The text on this page is archived from The Politically Incorrect Alphabet Forum - which unfortunately broke on August 2nd 2006 through overuse. A list of completed un-PC illustrations and their archived threads can be found here.

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