enile.co.uk
the politically incorrect alphabet

Elephant

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Dolphin Lion
Monkey Sea Lion
Elephant

The Headmaster
Posted on: 16 October 2005, 6:43pm

Not what but how - envisage the slain elephant, with a proud hunter in the foreground. See also lion and tiger, maybe zebra as well.

theo
Posted on: 17 October 2005, 8:48am

E is for Elephant Gun.
Which is how we make IVORY, kids.

christhepiss
Posted on: 4 May 2006, 10:07am

....or circus elephant....perched on a plinth......didn't they used to balance on two legs and curl their trunk in an endearing fashion........begging for a bun no doubt

The Headmaster
Posted on: 4 May 2006, 11:45am

Yes, and it's definitely easier to fit a circus elephant onto a card than a dead elephant plus a Great White Hunter (and his retinue of bearers and servants). So a balancing Jumbo goes on the list.

"Un éléphant qui se balançait, sur une toile d'araignée" as the children's song goes (excuse my French). See below.

The Headmaster
Posted on: 15 May 2006, 11:08am

OK, a circus elephant it is, doing some tippy-toes act and wearing a demeaning hat. I vaguely recall Disney's Dumbo wearing similar (and wielding a baton), though I've not looked up any reference as I like to maintain a naive freshness where possible.

The red nail varnish is, of course, to provide camouflage when hiding in cherry trees - "Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? No? It must work then!" (my apologies for a very old joke).

Elephants are the only mammals with four knees, I'm told, and apparently they can't jump (though they're not alone in that I'm sure - neither can a sloth, possibly, nor can a blue whale, perhaps, nor can Steven Hawking, definitely).

That's enough animals for the circus for now. I could add a clown though: scarey but not unPC UNLESS it were supporting the branding of some fast food chain.

The Headmaster
Posted on: 27 May 2006, 10:33pm

I thought spider's web balancing was the stuff of pure fantasy, but today I learnt that Emperor Galba, who briefly succeeded Nero, sought to amuse the populace with tightrope walking elephants. Stephen Fry said it so it must be true*. Unfortunately he was also an indolent skinflint, and was hacked to pieces by a troop of his Pretorian Guard.

The line "sur une toile d'araignée" is sung with an extra syllable on "un-e" (in the style of speakers from the South of France) to keep the metre. As a slightly precocious child I'd assumed the line was "sur une etoile d'araignée" - that a spider's web in French was known as a "spider's star", which made perfect poetic sense. It was only when looking up the spelling (my French is now rusty) that I realised my mistake.

* Sadly Stephen Fry is not infallible, also on QI he misattributed the 'Can't a man have a biscuit' story to the Duke of Devonshire and fell into the trap of believing 'kangaroo' means 'I don't know' (it was a local aborigine name for a particular type of grey kangaroo, Lieutenant Cook's fault was in applying it to all kangaroos, like calling all dogs poodles). However, he's very good in Pocoyo.

The text on this page is archived from The Politically Incorrect Alphabet Forum - which unfortunately broke on August 2nd 2006 through overuse. A list of completed un-PC illustrations and their archived threads can be found here.

  new media design The politically incorrect alphabet™ ©2005-2008 Mark Jones