the politically incorrect alphabet

Blank card


Satan, Scout, Sealion, Skeleton, Soldier, Spam, Spook, Stalin, Star, Steak, Stewardess, Stool, Swastika

illustrated threads linked above, unillustrated suggestions listed below…



S is for sadistic!


The School Bully
Posted on: 9 January 2006, 2:54pm

Not really a tangible object, but a product of the 50s, and something you definitely wouldn't see on a alphabet frieze nowadays.

The Lawyer
Posted on: 16 January 2006, 7:25pm

Although, if they could, you would probably get Creationism. Perhaps a dayglow (or at least howevermany crayons you have in the box headmaster) dawn. The JWs do some very sweet illustrations for their booklets.

That's sweet as in sickly, really.

The Headmaster
Posted on: 18 January 2006, 7:11pm

We've got Adam and Eve for the Creationists - I've no idea what recognisable person or object you'd use to illustrate Scientology. You couldn't make it up: L Ron Hubbard turns rubbish science fiction and self-help waffle into a new 'religion', then gullible fools hand over their earnings to be 'audited' by cult members with magic box. At least it provides a simple measure of the intelligence of some Hollywood film stars (as does others' susceptibility to the lure of red string).

That's two more religions that won't be inviting me to their parties.

I've had the icky Jehovah's Witness illustrations explained to me "...and this is paradise. Look, the lion is lying down with the lamb..." as if an illustration were proof. I want a photograph at the very least.

Another party invite fails to arrive.


The Nephew
Posted on: 18 November 2005, 9:09pm

They used to be cleaners didn't they, or were they always a tad naughty and as kids we were never told?



S is for Sexploitation!



Everyone loves a shed...

The Headmaster

Dear wike, you're nuts! What's a shed got to do with any shade of political correctness?

Though you're right, everyone does love a shed (so long as everyone is male, I don't think most women get it*).

Friends of mine have a big blow up wedding photo on their wall, there's the bride and groom all smiley and the pretty(ish) bridesmaids all in a row and there proudly behind them and dominating the entire scene is the biggest, newest garden shed you're ever likely to see. I've been meaning to sneak a copy and submit it to www.readersheds.co.uk - it'd be a winner!

*Fortunately you might say, else where could you go to get away from them? (Oops, politically incorrect, wash ma mout).



George Carlin had a bit about this. Shellshock, battle-fatigue, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.




The Headmaster

May I take this opportunity to direct you to mushroom?


The Headmaster

Suggested by Alexei in Canada - as he rightly points out, 'Slave' is missing from the alphabet.

Slavery has been a feature of our economics since we first tilled the fields.

The slavery trade was outlawed in the British Empire in 1807, 199 years ago, though it was another 30 odd years before full emancipation (the owners were compensated, the slaves were not). The USA couldn't decide on the issue until they settled it with a civil war from 1861-5. The United Nations' 'Universal Declaration of Human Rights' banned slavery in 1948.

But slavery persists across the world: child camel jockeys and domestic servants in Saudi Arabia, sex workers in Thailand, labourers clearing the rainforest in Brazil and the girl making up your next pair of trainers. Pick the country where you live: www.gvnet.com/humantrafficking

Although a smaller proportion of the world's population may live in slavery than ever before, many millions do still suffer, and the price of a slave - from just US$40 for a young male labourer in Mali - can be as little as a thousandth of the (adjusted) price of his equivalent in mid C19th USA.

Our slave should perhaps be cutting sugar cane in the Caribbean, like the ancestors of many of my family.

The Lawyer

Shackles, chains, neck boards.

Not to be confused with housewife. Or anyone making sportswear in Indonesia. They have a choice, of course.


The Headmaster
Posted on: 16 October 2005, 7:35pm

A slipper as used for spanking, c.f. Dennis the Menace's dad, and numerous masters from my secondary school.


The Nephew
Posted on: 18 November 2005, 8:58pm

We used to think it was fine to call people Spazzers until they changed the name of the shops (because of prejudice) so now we just call the mongers "Scopes" (and feel good about it).


Blink Too Fast
Posted on: 23 July 2006, 9:52am

A nice happy tadpole shaped one with a smiley face.

Evil 50 years ago, now slightly taboo for youngsters until they reach biology or sex-ed. in a few years.

Sports car

Jonathan Katz
Emailed on 10 June 2007

Given their gas-guzzling nature the greens want speed limits lowered and that kind of stuff banished. See also Ferrari.


Posted on: 3 November 2005, 10:32pm

** BANG! **

Don't know how "politically incorrect" this might be considered over there but they're somewhat dangerous in the hands of the kiddies. Worth consideration anyway....

The Headmaster
Posted on: 4 November 2005, 9:16am

A Squib would be called a Banger over here. Fireworks covers it, if inappropriately handled. It's all in the illustration.

My brother and I once brought back scores of extra-strength Chinese bangers from a holiday in France (they weren't available in the UK). We had much amusement blowing up fruit and cowpats (messy, you had to run), or tying them to stones, lighting them and dropping them down the drain.

Fairy Princess
Posted on: 13 November 2005, 6:14pm

You can still do that if you go to france. Rotten cider apples are fun. My brother once set a hollow tree on fire though, so I wouldn't advise it.

The Lawyer
Posted on: 14 November 2005, 6:33pm

You know, all my life I thought a damp squib was some sort of washed up sea animal. I suppose I was confusing it with a damp squid. So "squib" in the alphabet would have meant nothing to me. I have just had to look it up. I was so wrong.

Anyway, some children went down to the dam and stuffed the bangers (squibs) up frogs' backsides. Though they usually got expelled from school before they got any qualifications, and wouldn't be interested in the alphabets on the walls. It would make an interesting picture though, and controversy similar to the bonsai-kitten.


I suppose the after effect would have been something like a washed up sea animal after all.

When I think of this further the other word I conflate with squib is squab: a nestling that cannot fly. The picture I have is of those pallid dead creatures, usually pigeon chicks, which you find on the pavement after they have been washed out of their nests in a downpour. Thus, rather like the washed up sea animal before described. Or to put it another way: the after effect of a frog that's had a banger up its backside.
I'm not sure where this is getting us.



sexually transmitted infections could provide a wealth of creative opportunities as well as being educational


Posted on: 31 October 2005, 4:50pm

Um, make that an "endangered wetland."

The Headmaster
Posted on: 31 October 2005, 5:53pm

A swamp can still be called a swamp without offending anybody (even frogs), so swamp doesn't count as politically incorrect. I didn't hear even politicians referring to 'endangered wetland Arabs' when seeking to justify activities in Iraq.

The text on this page is archived from The Politically Incorrect Alphabet Forum - which unfortunately broke on August 2nd 2006 through overuse. A list of completed un-PC illustrations and their archived threads can be found here.

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